It is with tears,
and a shattered heart and mind that I realize,
(through my husband's gentle words)
that this is more than just a battle over my emotions.
It is a battle in the spiritual realm,
and Satan wants to destroy our family and our faith.
If I let the seeds of anger and bitterness towards God take root,
it will bring a harvest of destruction for us.
God has allowed this season,
and though I cry to Him continually for compassion and mercy
{for our season of pain to end},
He has not promised me any timelines....
Only that Joy comes in the morning.....
and my morning may not be until heaven.
I may not see the end of this suffering any time soon.
And I HAVE to trust that God knows what He is doing,
and most importantly,
He is not angry with me,
or punishing me,
or just being mean.
He has a purpose.
And His purpose is Good!
That is the challenge of my life;
to keep breathing,
trusting
there is a reason.
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5 comments:
I have no words (you put it positively perfectly). Only tears, a nod, and a hug.
Hugs.
Praying for you my friend.
I am so sorry that you are having to go through such a hard time. I am asking Him to come to you and to walk closely with you, may you know His touch, His love, His assurances, His blessings, His desires, His direction, His path that will bring you into His perfect understanding and LOVE.
After many years of loss and infertility (and too many tears to count)...I truly submitted my life into His hands. He began to open doors to paths that He intended for me to walk, paths that led to children who had no one. He opened my heart and deposited them into it, deeply deeply into it. They filled those hurting places pretty completely, still there is always an ache, an occasional tear when I stand where I am and look back. I find that when I keep my eyes on Him and look at this day that He has blessed me with and begin to focus instead of on my pain and loss- to those who are hurting and lonely (for me it is orphans) ...and go about helping to fill their broken parts...
it was then...
that I found peace, joy and understanding.
I type this, fearful that you will think I am judging you...I am not. I am only sharing what helped me after years that I only wish that I could erase. During those *erase* years, God taught me a lot, mostly to cry out to him, to begin to learn to trust Him and to let me learn to follow Him in paths of righteousness for His namesake.
I love you my friend and am holding you up to our loving Father. May you feel His love ...and again learn to trust Him.
xoxo
Kimmie
Just want to encourage you to keep laying it out before the Lord. I remember during my darkest days hearing a sermon about God *being* light. If he *is* light, then I'm totally seen through. There's no reason I could hide anything from Him. So I surrendered to that, poured out my heart (again). Getting it up & out & onto the Cross–it saved me.
Praying for you today.
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