Father's Day

Dad, with Grace and Abigail, my two sisters. This has been the hardest month of my dad's life.

We all love him so much,

and wish that we could take some of the pain away.

Cherry Pie

Our sour cherry tree, which Mr. Wonderful guarded jealously this year, both from frosts and birds, has rewarded us with our first harvest. Enough for three pies....

He is Strong

Bubbling Over

I had to call my husband today,

just to tell him something he's already begun to suspect:

his wife is a human being again.

.

.

The grief of the last 16 months

left me wasted, completely drained.

My moods were erractic at best

and the littlest things, the normal difficulties of daily life,

would set me on a downward mental track

that I couldn't escape from.

My spiritual stamina and my emotional reserves

were hitting bottom nearly every day.

.

.

Others have said that this time would come:

that I would still cry and miss my Ellie,

but that the sting would be gone.

I had a hard time believing it.

.

.

But today, I am positively bouncing through my day:

Not that it's been a perfect day, either....

just the things that would have ruined me two months ago

are now just minor bumps.

Praise the LORD, O my soul,

and forget not all his benefits--
who forgives all your sins

and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit

and crowns you with

love and compassion.

Psalm 103:2-4

Welcome Home!

Braden, looking like his dad more every day!
Nathan, lost his first two teeth in two days,
thanks to Uncle Dan!

A camera has found it's way into my hands again!

And wow, what dirty faces!

.

.

.

.

.

broken. completely crushed. wondering if I will ever be whole again.

.

.

.

I found those words, written just 4 months ago. It was one of the hardest days ever....compounded by the fear of never really being happy again. Would I ever feel like smiling again? Would I ever laugh without a hidden cry? Would I ever be here again, all of me, in today, with my husband and children? Would I ever escape the terrible mire of pain?

.

.

.

The good news is, yes. God has been healing me all along, I know. But his handiwork was most visible to me this past weekend. Our camping trip was muddy and soggy, it rained every day. A mess. But I was happy....

Happy Birthday

I can't let this day go by,

(in the flurry of pre-camping:

packing, cooking, cleaning and gardening,)

without mentioning my girl.

Ellie would have been one today. I miss her more than ever, but at least I can see through the tears, that heaven is just a breath away. It won't be long, and my tears will be gone. All will be right and I will see beauty; pain-free, and know

Jesus, my Lord and King.

Out of the Ashes

God is working miracles today. I cannot see them, and might not ever see them with my eyes, but in my heart rests an assurance of God's continual work in our lives.

Out of the ashes of my loss, and the embers of pain that are still hurting so many, I am finding a fresh vision. This world is full of hurting people.....and what can I do for them?

Broken

smiles
First off, silly details: my camera is broken, today we are painting the chicken house and planting corn. My knitting design won the contest I entered. Great fishing trip yesterday...and did I mention that my camera is broken???



A few weeks ago I was mentally writing out a post on how I am so thankful to see the fog lifting, the clouds clearing, and really feeling like I am functioning again. I felt nearly normal, most days. I was smiling.



But then, this last week has crushed me again.
The weight of others' pain is bearing on me.
Tragedy on both sides of our family:



My dad's twin brother died in the midst of terrible circumstances, at age 48, leaving behind two teenage children.



And then my husband's family in a crisis of their own.

God is here. God is at work.

I love that about him.

When the evil of this world steals,

he is working GOOD in ways

that we can't even begin to comphehend.

Praise God for his sovereignty

and his power to redeem all

that we see as destruction.

He is doing that miracle every day.