This past month since I've written has been full of questions. Most of which, there are no answers. None that comfort, anyway.
How I long to walk in faith through all of life's stuggles, with my eyes UP and self-pity on the back burner. I hate the curling inward that suffering brings, that grieving demands.
But what did I expect? That because three of my children are in heaven means I've *paid my dues* and life is supposed to get easier now?
My morning walks have been a life-saver. Before the heat, before the world is awake, watching the sun rise over the hills, listening to the birds sing. I'm finding things to be THANKFUL FOR!!
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A little of this, a little of that, and what makes up my daily thoughts and activities....
I am a woman who desires to love GOD above all, to serve and delight my husband, to cherish and train up my four boys, while adjusting (through God's grace) to life without our children, Ellie Rene and Benjamin Curt, who were taken to heaven in February 2008 and April 2010. We are now celebrating James, our sweet 7, born in March 2011. Praise God with us!
4 comments:
Thanks for checking in Kate. I'm so glad you did, even if you can't say that everything's looking UP all the time. You will hurt and we still care about it.
I'm praying for you today.
Was thinking about you today. Maybe this is why. I will pray.
Visiting with you at the Millers was really nice.
Love to you.
So glad for your morning walks and things to be thankful for.
Sending a hug. Wish I could walk with you.
Kimmie
mama to 8
one homemade and 7 adopted
Katie...I dear friend of mine (Melissa Joy) suggested I take a look at your blog...your stories have made me cry, have made smile...its almost like reading a part of my life...
I lost my 1st baby back in 1993...we were very young at the time. We don't talk about that baby very much...but he has never been forgotten...We went on to have 3 beautiful boys - 8, 5 and 3. In January 2009, we found out we were expecting number 4. We were so excited. However, in April 2009, we lost this little boy at 14 weeks gestation...our hearts were broken - I was numb...February 2010 - we were blessed once again - expecting a little girl...My world came crumbling down at my feet once again in May 2010 - at 18 weeks....
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, your feelings with us...we do not know each other...and yet, in some ways, our lives seem so similar...I pray to find answers...but of course - none come...I struggle to keep holding on to hope - to keep faith...but some days are harder than others...The sun is starting to shine again...but the ache in my heart is still throbbing...
Much love to you and your family - hugs
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