The hardest news: no heartbeat. 18 weeks.
How can this be happening?
Go through the motions of an ultrasound to confirm,
BabyCakes is in heaven with Jesus.
With Ellie, at this stage I was numb from shock.
Now I am weary and sad,
and all these feelings are familiar. 
Hand-picked flowers sent from my dr.'s office.
Hand-picked flowers sent from my dr.'s office.
This cotton blanket was going to be full size, with a trim (of either blue or pink!)to be added after our 20 week ultrasound. I am so thankful that I had finally starting something for Babycakes....
to be buried in.
I'm finishing it now,
while we wait,
through my tears.
80 comments:
My heart breaks for you. I'm praying that our God would be the God of comfort for you today.
I've retyped this comment over and over again. I can't find the right words. I'm just so heartbroken for you and wishing I could do or say something to take away the pain. I'm so sorry.
Love and much prayers,
Becky
God lent to us this gentle flower
That seemed to promise fair to bloom
But in an unexpected hour
we had to bare her to the tomb
Tis but the clay lies buried here
Our darling we again will meet
Little angel bright and fair
Will one day her dear parents greet.
My heart breaks for you, I to am in shock no words to say but I am so sorry. I think of you often and your little family and the pain you have endured.
I was out taking pictures in this small farming town when I happened upon the little cemetery, there was this little head stone that was broken in two dating back to 1878 the saying up above was written on the headstone.
nooooooooooooooooooo
I am so very sorry.
I have been staring at this screen for over an hour now. Reading it, rereading it, and crying over it. My heart is aching.
I have been searching for words, ANYTHING that might bring comfort, but....they just aren't there.
I know how much grief you felt over Ellie. How hard it was for you to let yourself hope with this pregnancy. How braced you were in the beginning and how you eventually your walls were being torn down. And now this.
I don't know why. I don't understand.
I have no words of comfort and I am SO Sorry that I don't.
God is in control and I am praying fervently that He give you what you need. The strength, comfort, peace, understanding. EVERYTHING.
I will not stop praying.
You are important to me and I am so very sorry for your loss. So so very sorry.
I found your blog some time ago through a comment you left on Molly Piper's and was concerned when I read Tuesday's post.
I am so sorry...I don't even have words--please know that you are and will be in my thoughts and prayers.
a very devastated molly emailed me from work to tell me. she'd told me about you awhile back and so i've been checking your blog now and then with hopeful anticipation. i'm so sorry. so, so sorry.
Love you. Beautiful, comforting blankie made with love for Babycakes to rest in. Beautiful, Comforting Arms of Jesus for Babycakes to live in!
Katie, I am so sorry. You and your family are so special, and I will be praying for all of you.
I found your blog thru my sister Rebecca. I am so sorry for the loss of your baby..I lost a daughter at 20 weeks...It was the most tragic thing I've ever experienced but I am thankful that the pain has subsided (she would have been 7 this year) and I can look forward to the day I can be reunited with her once again.. Maybe your baby and mine know each other in Heaven.. Praying for you as your mourn your little one. I will pray for you and your family... I am so deeply sorry for your loss.
I am so very very sorry. I too have lost a wee one, though in the very early stages, but grief is grief. I will be praying for oberwhelming peace, joy and understanding.
Hugs (from a stranger!)
Bonnie
I found your blog through Rebecca's. Please know that someone is praying for you in Kentucky.
Blessings,
Mary Anne
You don't know me, but I found you through Rebecca at Renaissance... We went through a similar situation a few years ago...and I just wanted to let you know that I am praying for you and your family.
Katie,
My heart breaks for you. I, too, have suffered the loss of a baby I carried 18 years ago. I know the feeling of expectation turned to loss, of tears that won't seem to stop flowing.
The blessed Lord Jesus allowed this thought to comfort me and perhaps it will comfort you as well.
Although I felt devastated in my loss, I suddenly realized what a marvelous gift that Jesus had given my dear child. My child would never experience a single tear, heartache, or illness on this sin cursed earth; Christ had ushered him into HIS very presence before any of this could occur.
As God brings you and your family to my mind, I will be praying for your comfort.
God bless,
Nanci
I'm ever so sorry for your loss(es). May the Lord who is able to do all abundantly, bless you and give you peace during this difficult time.
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I can not even begin to understand how you are feeling. Please know that I am praying for you and your family.
I had an ultrasound on Tuesday. No heartbeat at 8 weeks. It may be too early to tell. I am going in this afternoon for another ultrasound to see if the baby is growing. I know a little of what you feel. A little. I really felt this baby was a girl and if there is no growth, I will name her Rose and always remember her. I'm so sorry for your loss.
A month ago the child my daughter was carrying didn't give a heartbeat. They had heard a good strong heartbeat just a few days earlier. It was my first grandbaby, their first child, who went right to the Lord without meeting us. Even though it is a hard blow, we do not grieve as those who have no hope. I will be remembering you and your family--those darling boys will really have big questions now--in my prayers today. I'm so sorry.
(((HUGS))) Prayed for you and your family! I too have a precious wee one in Heaven with Jesus...words aren't enough...
I can't begin to imagine what you're feeling. My heart aches for you. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
"Something Beautiful."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ar-sPqVmOSc&feature=related
Your life is beautiful, Katie... your baby's life is beautiful... God's plan is beautiful, even though sometimes wrought from pain, heartache and loss. I'm so sorry, Katie!
Love you.
Oh what a happy place heaven is with all of our babies! When I heard the news, my loss rushed back at me as if it were yesterday. A hot bath and tears couldn't wash away my pain for you ... for me. I was reminded of just where our little ones are and I smiled. I want you to know that I am hurting with you. We are so sorry that you are having to go through this again. You, Mike and your boys are in our hearts and prayers. If you need anything, please ask. When we're not contageous anymore, I would love to make you dinner if there's a night you just don't feel like it. I had many of those. Thinking of you~
~Kristy~
Katie,
I'm so sorry for your loss. :( May you find comfort in the bosom of our loving Lord God.
I did want to share with you about a support group started by an internet friend of mine after losing her son at about the same age/gestation as your sweet little one, http://www.comfortinheaven.com/ . I'll also add her blog address in case you are interested in contacting her personally, http://missionfieldof5.xanga.com/ .
P.S. I'm a friend of Rebecca's, too.
I just wanted to let you know we are praying for you even though we've never met!!
I also found you through Rebecca's blog and wanted you to know that you and your family are in my prayers. I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through, but I pray that God will comfort you and give you what you need.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'll be praying for you.
I'm so sorry for your newest loss. I will pray for your tears to mingle with the angels'.
Oh Katie...I am so so sorry. I will be praying, friend.
My the Lord comfort your VERY real hurt. We lost our son, Bennett at 18 weeks 5 days last June. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm here if you want to talk.
I found comfort here:
Day by day, and with each passing moment,
Strength I find to meet my trials here;
Trusting in my Father's wise bestowment,
I've no cause for worry or for fear.
He, whose heart is kind beyond all measure,
Gives unto each day what He deems best,
Lovingly its part of pain and pleasure,
Mingling toil with peace and rest.
Every day the Lord Himself is near me,
With a special mercy for each hour;
All my cares He fain would bear and cheer me,
He whose name is Counsellor and Pow'r.
The protection of His child and treasure
Is a charge that on Himself He laid;
"As thy days, thy strength shall be in measure,"
This the pledge to me He made.
Help me then, in every tribulation,
So to trust Thy promises, O Lord,
That I lose not faith's sweet consolation,
Offered me within Thy holy Word.
Help me, Lord, when toil and trouble meeting,
E'er to take, as from a father's hand,
One by one, the days, the moments fleeting,
Till with Christ the Lord I stand.
I had only a couple more rounds to finish Felicity's blanket when we found out she was gone. I threw it against the wall and cried, "Now this is for nobody!" Then I went and gathered it up and said, "No, it is Felicity's." I finished it blindly so I could see the blanket snuggled around her one time.
The tears are blinding me again as I think of those first shocking hours and imagine what you are feeling right now.
I am so so sorry.
Felicity's grandmama/Molly's mother-in-law
I don't know you--but I want you to know how sorry I am. I lost a child...after a long wait...at 14 weeks and I know the grief and shock. Now I have three more. But there is still one missing.
I was comforted, a year after losing my baby, by reading Isaiah 65:20: "No more shall there be in it [the new heavens and the new earth] an infant who lives but a few days." Why hadn't anyone sent me that passage before, I wondered. That verse was a particular acknowledgement that the Lord sees that loss, the loss of the might-have-beens. He knows that grief that parents face--and He promises one day it will be gone.
And, although I know how deep that grief is, and that it doesn't feel like it today, one day you and I will meet our little ones and know that "all shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well." (Julian of Norwich)
Peace be with you.
I'm sorry for your loss, you are in my prayers.
So sad to hear you lost your little. Praying for your heart to be healed.
Just a friend, linked here from the Piper's blog. I lost a little boy, Kendall, at 18 weeks, 2 years ago. I'm so, so sorry for what you have already gone through and what you are going through now.
(((hug))))
~Andrea
Hello there,
My name is Melissa. Leah posted and left me a message. I am the owner of a Christian Grief Support Site, Comfort In Heaven. I started the site at the prompting of the Lord when I lost my son in 2007 at 18 weeks. I carried him until 25 weeks knowing he had passed onto heaven but awaiting for the Lord to decide the right time for him to be born.
There really are not enough words that can comfort when we lose a child up to heaven before we have a chance to help raise them. We instead have to lean on the Lord to help us through this difficult time.
The days are like waves in the ocean, sometimes they are gentle and lap at our feet and the emotions are not quite so violent and seem tolerable, other times they completely wash over us and life seems unbearable. Know that no matter myself, and all the other posters are lifting you up in prayer to help you through those times when life seems unbearable.
I am so sorry that this is the second time the Lord has taken his children home so soon from you. I pray the Lord would give you the comfort and solace you need.
Love and God Bless, a Sister in Christ,
Melissa D. SC
http://www.xanga.com/Missionfieldof5
http://comfortinheaven.com
I am so sorry to read that you have lost this precious one. Oh, may our suffering Savior comfort you with the peace only He can give. "The secret mysteries belong to You. We only know what You reveal, and all my questions that are unresolved don't change the wisdom of Your will. In all my trial and loss my hope is in the cross, where Your compassions never fail. So more than watchmen for the morning, I will wait for You, my God. When my fears come with no warning, in Your word I put my trust. When the harvest time is over and I still see no fruit, I will wait, I will wait...for You." (Sovereign Grace song, "Out of the Depths."
I found your blog through Molly Piper's.
So so sad and sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my prayers. May God hold you close.
There is nothing I can say that could even come close to being the right words. Just know that even though I don't know you, I will be praying.
There are never words to express sorrow such as this. You are in my prayers.
You don't know us, but I read Molly Piper's blog and read about your story on there. I just want to tell you we are sad with you. And we will pray that God will heal your heart. How exciting for you to think that Heaven will be a reuniting with Ellie and now Babycakes.
Words are so hollow, almost worthless, in the face of sorrow. I wish there was something to say that could help. I am so, so very sorry.
I have no words of wisdom I can just tell you that I am sorry and I am praying for you.
I don't know you or your family but I found your blog through Rebecca, I wanted you to know that someone is praying for you in Arizona.
May our Lord be with you through all this.
i am so sorry for your new loss, mrs. mk. praying for you and your family. :(
How unfair life seems. Only God can understand.
I lost my daughter Abigail at 18 weeks almost a year ago. My heart breaks for you and my prayers are definitely for you to feel comforted by the Lord. I often dream of her running through fields of flowers with Jesus - very comforting that I will run through them with her one day too. So will you!
Praying for you.
I'm so so sorry. My heart is heavy as I type these words. I wish there was more I could say. I'm praying right now to the God of comfort. He does loves you. so much.
love,
ebe
I had no idea. I just saw this. I don't know what to say, all I can do is sit here, trembling, in tears.
I am weeping with you.
I will be praying for you, as soon as my heart can utter words.
I wish I could do more...
My heart is so broken for you dear ones! Our little grandson Jay is in heaven too. As I looked at the picture of your knitting, and read your words, my heart was so sorrow filled. Only God understands... we never will on this side of heaven. May you feel his arms around you!
I found your blog through Molly's...I am so, so sorry. Lord bless you.
Oh Katie! Look how loved and prayed for you are!! Strangers around our country are praying for you and loving you! We love you too!
The Cord
We are connected,
My child and I, by
An invisible cord
Not seen by the eye.
It's not like the cord
That connects us 'til birth
This cord can't been seen
By any on Earth.
This cord does it's work
Right from the start.
It binds us together
Attached to my heart.
I know that it's there
Though no one can see
The invisible cord
From my child to me.
The strength of this cord
Is hard to describe.
It can't be destroyed
It can't be denied.
It's stronger than any cord
Man could create
It withstands the test
Can hold any weight.
And though you are gone,
Though you're not here with me,
The cord is still there
But no one can see.
It pulls at my heart
I am bruised...I am sore,
But this cord is my lifeline
As never before.
I am thankful that God
Connects us this way
A mother and child
Death can't take it away!
Author Unknown
I'm sorry for the loss of this little one. :-(
I found your blog as a link from Molly Piper. I started reading her blog after we lost our second son at 17 weeks last September. I can only begin to imagine your pain at losing two precious little ones. I am thinking and praying for you. Words can't comfort at a time like this, so I'll say no more. But I was given a poem after our Zachary died, which summed up exactly how I felt; I hope it helps you, too:
A butterfly lights beside us
like a sunbeam
and for a brief moment
its glory and beauty
belong to our world.
But then it flies on again
and although we wish
it could have stayed
we are thankful
to have seen it at all.
There are just no words. I have lost two children myself. There are just no words. Just hugs! Love and prayers to you and your family. Sometimes life just does NOT make sense.
Hey, I found your blog through Molly Piper's and I'm really sorry for your loss. I pray that Jesus will use this to draw you near and hope for when you are reunited with him more than ever. Peace be with you and your family.
I prayed for your family today. I am so very sorry for your loss.
Oh... I have no words. My heart aches for you, for your sweet family.
I found you through Molly Piper's blog. A few months ago, after years of infertility, my husband and I lost our baby boy at 17 weeks. I could have never imagined the pain and the heartache that I have felt. His due date was last week. I am so hurting for you and your husband, and for the great loss of Ellie and Babycakes. Much love to you today.
So sorry for your loss and understand and grieve with you-we lost our 15 week baby two months ago and there's not a day that goes by that I don't think of her. It's a very painful process emotionally and physically but God's grace will be sufficient.
I lost my baby at 13 weeks, 3 days.
Much love to you.
i came over from rebecca's.... someone living in the middle east is praying for you and your little angel.
You don't know me, but I found you via Molly Piper's blog. I, too, lost a child (our only son) at 18 weeks. The pain is so familiar to me, and I am so sorry you find yourself here in this place, as well. I am sincerely praying for you and your family.
"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit". Psalm 34:18
"He will gather His flock like a shepherd; He will gather the lambs in His arms; He will carry them in His bosom, and gently lead those that are with young." Isaiah 40:11
I can only imagine and I'm so sorry. Praying for you and your family.
My husband and I just lost our first child, a son, at 35 weeks. A blood vessel tore in the cord, and an emergency c-section was too late. We are shocked and heartbroken. As time passes, we trust the Lord will heal us. I would like to think that means this cannot happen again, but as you know, this is not true. My husband often reminds me, we cannot write the end to our own story. God is the Author of Life, and our assurance rests in Him alone.
We pray, as you are now facing this second loss, that He provides grace and comfort sufficient to see you through. We pray for moments of relief in joy and peace. We pray for faith "every crooked path will be made straight." As I'm sure you have seen with your first daughter, God uses these little lives in powerful ways- to testify to His goodness and faithfulness in the midst of deep sorrow.
We take comfort in how our son's first breath was one of eternal life; how his first sight from the darkness of the womb was the unspeakable glory of God. Your babes are neither dead, nor lost. We are the ones living in the shadow. Oh, for the joy to come...!
I'm so *VERY*, *VERY* sorry for the loss of your precious baby.
In addition to my children, I have had 6 losses of my own, one of which was a 2nd trimester.
You will be heavy on my heart as I bring you to the throne of Jesus to pray...
for grace upon grace...
comfort as only He can give...
and the peace that passes understanding.
Oh my dear friend, I am so sorry for your loss.
There are not words to say, other than I am praying for you and that I will continue...
wish you could come over so I could hold you so tight and let you cry. Crying is okay, it is good.
Please let me know if you need anything. You are my friend and I love you.
((((hug)))
Kimmie
My heart is breaking for you, dear ones. I am so, so sorry. Praying for you during this hard, hard time.
Don't know you, but my heart breaks for you because I've been there so many times myself. I have four precious girls, 5 babies in heaven and one on the way. We are prayerfully, cautiously, excited about this pregnancy, but know that this baby is the Lord's and part of His plan and purpose no matter what the outcome of the pregnancy. Praying for you~
I'm sorry for your loss! Praying for your family! May you find PEACE and COMFORT in the days ahead!
I don't know you but I'm crying with you. I'm so sorry.
I am so sorry for your loss. I know the pain you are feeling. I lost my precious Molly at 39 weeks when her heart stopped beating. It's been five hard months where I've clung to God's promises. I'm crying and praying for you today.
I am so, so sorry for your loss. Just said a prayer for you and your family to the Man of Sorrows and the Prince of Peace.
I am so very sorry for your loss. I pray God's greatest and comforting arms as He holds you while you weep your deepest tears and beg for His mercy. He loves you Dearly. More than you know. Bless you!~
Yes, praying praying with you and for you as you endure this saddness..... praising God that you endure it with his joy, Christ as your unshakeable, unfading, incorruptible joy.
jill k
You don't know me - I just hopped over from Rebecca's blog. I just wanted to tell you that I am so sorry for what you are going thru and even though I don't know you I will be praying for God's wonderful peace to flood your heart during this time of loss.
You don't know me...found you through Molly Piper's blog. Just wanted to say I am so sorry about the loss of your sweet baby. So, so sorry. I've lost 2 in the past. Praying for Jesus to comfort your hearts like only He is able to do.
I am so sorry that you have had to endure this yet again. Your mom visited my blog today and left a very sweet comment. It seems that you and I are going through this at the same time. My baby boy was born at 32 weeks. I went in for a routine visit and there was no heart beat. He apparently quit growing at 27 weeks. We are still unsure of why, and maybe we'll never know. Everything seemed just fine.
I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you and your family and praying for you all.
Hugs,
Robin
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