The Same

Three years ago,    a special gift given in the moment I most needed it...walking into the hospital to be induced to deliver my child,  who had died in my womb.  It was the Word of God.   Portions of a certain Psalm were running through my mind on repeat,  and as we waited,  my husband read and read and read the laments and praises until he found it.
 The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made....
Psalm 145 has been my meditation,  a rock of comfort and uncomfortable truth since then.   Many times I've read it,  through tears and with clenched fists as I battled my emotions that wanted to despair.
He hears their cry and saves them...
My daughter, Ellie! 
God is loving towards all he has made...
When the next child also died,  my soul sighed,  resigned to grief and heaviness. 
The Lord upholds all those who fall....
Benjamin, my son!
Every day I will praise you....
The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.



Now,  there is this amazing, unexpected, thrilling and mind-boggling turn of events:   a living child.  He breathes.   James!

O Lord, you are my God;
I will exalt you and praise your name,
for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things,
things planned long ago.    Isaiah 25:1

How is it?   How can it be?  

The same God who takes away,  has now given?

And He's no less good when He takes,  then when He gives?

These verses were true 10 years ago when I first felt grief,

3 years ago when it's full weight fell upon me,   and even now...

He is unchangeable,  and His ways I cannot even begin to understand.

I stand, like Job, with my hand over my mouth,

and worship.