Grappling?

Last night my Mr. Wonderful dropped by this little place on the web to read my blog (sometimes several days go by without him seeing what I've posted). He approved, of course, but had a question about a word in my side bar. I had written that I was "grappling" with the death of our Ellie.

He asked if that was the best word.

So that got me to thinking: while somedays this grief does physically and emotionally wear me out, the word "grappling" brings to mind wrestling. With an opponent. And so what would my reader assume that opponet to be? doubt? despair? depression?

So I wanted to clarify: when I wrote "grappling" I was thinking of the day-to-day fight for joy, the contest of submission, the challenge of resting in the wonderful will of my loving God. The way we wake up, and daily re-orient our hearts towards God, bringing all thoughts and emotions under the Lordship of Christ, our gentle shepherd. My Father keeps me.....His faithfullness means that He will get me through this---not me pulling myself up by some spiritual willpower. He will do it.....

Many days, this is, by God's grace, as simple as a prayer as I breathe: "Thank you Lord, for all......" Other days, it requires a continual surrender.......holding nothing tighter than I cling to Christ alone......

My prayer is that God is glorified in all my days.....