Breathe

12 times a minute....

6,286,920 times this year.

.

.

A year ago today, at a routine

6-month pregnancy checkup,

they couldn't find a heartbeat.

My mind kept finding reasons,

excuses to not even consider

that my baby not alive.

.

.

My mom, who had the kids for the morning,

kept them for the afternoon

and my husband took me

to the hospital for an ultrasound.

I praise God that I was not alone.

I was still not worried.

.

.

Lying on the cot in the ultrasound room,

holding his hand,

I waited. waited. waited.

The tech said nothing.

.

.

"Can you tell me, please?"

I choked out, past deep sobs coming with the

realization of what her answer would be.

I remember feeling that I shouldn't cry....

maybe that she would be able to see something

if my stomach wasn't heaving with emotion.

.

.

"Your baby is gone...I'm very sorry.

Usually my job is one of the

best in the world, but days like today

I really hate it. I'm so sorry."

.

She left to call my doctor, and we came undone.

Our baby was no longer ours,

but in heaven's arms....